Debt

I hate debt... i think everyone does... let me tell you a little story...

I graduated and started workin... in six months i had a debt of USD 250,000 on my ass... yes 250...
debts... i sat down thought hard and worked my ass off... i ain't no rich kid nor do i have a rich unle to bail me out... wht to do... i sat down adn thought...
came out with like a thousand ideas to clear it... contemplated runnin away... but i had someone i wanted... someone i could not have with this debt... it just would not be fair to her for me to include her in my fuckups...
worked my ass off and a year later brought it down to 125K... 125 thousand mother f**ckin dollars in one year... and im still goin... still tryin hard... and now it looks like its gona take me another two years to clear it... alota ppl would say thats great... u did well... some moght say sh*t u could have actually had that in ur own frieken account...
but i don't care about clearin it... wht hurts the most is the fact i had to leave the one and only... the person i live for becuz of this debt... i told her we had to split... i had to clear this and im not gona make her wait on me while i do it... its not fair to her... she has to go on with her own life and i have to fix my problems... she deserves a person ready and stable...
i hate debts... everyday i try hard to clear it... for one reason... to be with her... but now she is not mine and she is free... she is one in a million and everyone who sees her knows it... i keep my fingers crossed hopin she is single when im done... at the same time i hope she finds someone better than me...
i have one confused situation... and i am one confused kid... neways...
i just can't wait till its over... till im free... till i can make my own money...
f**ckin debts!!!

Casanova

All men wana be like casanova.. have all the women in the world dreaming of him.. wanting to be with him.. wanting to do anything to sleep with him.. but do we really wana be casanova's.. maybe we should look at casanova the character and see truly what he was going through..

a good lookin guy that can get any girl he wanted.. a guy that loved all women.. and truly cared for all women.. to be like him u have to be caring to all.. and have to fall in love with all women.. its not easy.. its a life where you care and you give and when u get in return its not really what you want.. casanova had a tough time.. he wanted to make all women happy.. and because of that he could not be happy for himself..

everyone has problems.. everyone goes through trouble.. every woman wants a man that cares and loves her.. that gives her what she needs.. that tells her what she wants to hear.. that sleeps with her the way she wants him to sleep.. every man wants to be casanova cuz every man is selfish.. they want all the women they can get.. its when you get alot of women that you realize its better if you had one.. the one.. but to find the one.. that is not easy

i am no casanova nor would i want to be.. nor do i even relate or have as many women.. nor am i the best in bed or the most caring.. but sometimes.. i sit and wonder.. who would be the one for me.. how to find her.. and how can i ensure she is the one..

women do what they can to get you.. and once your in they become their true self.. men do the same too.. however men do it for the first night or two and then it stops.. women do it until the ring is on the finger.. and once they know your chances of escape are weak they turn to there normal selves..

thats why casanova had all these women.. he knew what they would turn into if he had married one.. so he never did.. they on the other hand fought hard to get him.. and then they fought harder to ensure he was with them and not the others.. it was one big competition over a man who knows how to say a few good words.. and moves very well in bed..

we should learn to date the right way.. the man to marry and the woman to not care cuz she has alternatives.. no sex involved.. well maybe just a little sex... actually NO.. none of that.. you date to knw if you will live for the rest of ur lives together.. the man will be himself knowing he will have to reveal his true self later.. and the woman too cuz if he doesn't like her true self there are others that want her..

materiality.. culture.. pressure.. greed.. envy.. some of the formulas that can and may breed destruction..

Jealousy

my first blog.. i started this thing to write down thoughts i have.. just putem down for the world to read.. things that go through my head.. things that i think should be changed.. ideas that i think i should put out there.. i wana plant seeds and hope they grow in your minds..

i was sittin with the fam today and we were talkin.. before and now.. women.. and marriage..
i was surprised to hear that women back in the day could get divorced and would find a husband relatively quick after the divorce.. they could have kids and still find a man who would want to marry them.. sometimes get married and divorced a couple of times before they settle down..

today.. its not that simple.. not that easy.. if a girl had been with ppl other than the one who wants to marry her he would run.. us men and guys can't stand the fact shes been with someone.. is it jealousy.. or are we just not real men.. can we not deal anymore.. or is it really me bein weak..

are we scared.. are we worried.. we get married and lock up our wives scared that our friends will see them.. maybe like her.. maybe think my wife is hot.. maybe my wife will cheat.. HA
we are funny ppl..
there are no men out there.. we have become very rare.. almost endangered.. and there are no strong women.. but whos fault is it.. lets not get into that now.. lets get back to the subject..

weakness.. us men don't have the heart and strength to accept the past and move one.. we dwell on it.. think about it.. worry about it.. and try to protect ourselves from it instead os facing it head one.. so what if she dated my friend.. if he says nething.. i will confront him.. or will i.. or am i too scared to defend my wife.. i want her to be perfect.. but hey i can play..

its weakness.. a mans gota be a man.. hes gota take charge and trust his girl.. and if she is faithful to him who cares who she has been with.. shes with me and thats all that matters.. she will not talk or do nethin with neone and thats all that matters.. She is all that matters....

thoughts put in words.. they could get confusin but bear with me..

like i said.. if u find her
the u will knw
she is everything and the world can be faced when she is near..

Thoughts

ok.. im happy with this blog thing.. gettin use to the idea.. sittin doin nothin bored so might as well write down whts goin through my head..
ppl think im simple but im pretty complicated.. i was thinkin about that the other day.. i have a problem.. i think about more than one thing at a time.. i am use to it and i can't stop doin it.. if i have to concentrate on only one thing i get sleepy.. i read a book and must listen to music at the same time.. if i do either alone i sleep.. is that normal??

some might say i have a.d.d.. but i really don't.. i concentrate on what is happening and takin in all the information.. the worst part about this is when i enter into meetings.. i have to sit and listen to one person talking.. i only hope that no one has yet noticed my eyes slowly closing.. i try to act like im doing it on purpose.. but its really bad.. i think one day im just gona sleep and let him finish talking.. i must solve this issue.. i am having meetings with pretty important ppl and it would look really bad if i started snoring..
for all those that face the sane problem i have do not worry for I am on it.. and soon i will find a solution to our problem..